


hipster chicken

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2011 fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22651393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: Phil goes to Tatton Park with his family for Martyn's birthday.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 19
Kudos: 145
Collections: Temple of Gifts





	hipster chicken

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Zan - enjoy this fic about hipster chickens and rare 2011 canon. (Shoutout to Phil and Cornelia for both tweeting about his famous person hot chocolate discount.)

"Where's Dan?" Cornelia asks, sliding her arms around Phil to give him a hug. 

He and Martyn just sort of bump fists awkwardly, in the least awkward of ways. It's a Lester family trait, and given the bond of blood and genetics they feel no pressure against owning the discomfort of social greetings. 

Dan laughs at them every time. Dan would be laughing right now. 

Phil forces a smile. "He stayed home. He's editing for us today, actually!" 

He won't say that it's because Dan hasn't slept well in weeks and even though he's feeling loads better today, the idea of going out with people just seemed too daunting. They've got to take the train in to London soon anyway - that meeting with the BBC will exhaust the both of them, struggling to pretend to be the sort of adults they don't feel like at all, the kind that people in suits with money decide to hire on. 

So Dan is home in Phil's coziest hoodie with full permission to order whatever takeaway he wants and not worry about how close to skint they are, and Phil has promised to send Dan all the pictures of the strangest animals he sees so Dan will feel like he's there anyway. 

*

There’s something perpetually comforting to Phil about days like this. 

He likes looking around and seeing his mum and dad hand in hand. He likes looking at his brother and still seeing someone he feels like he knows. 

He’s spent most of uni being a little bit worried every time he left home that things would be different when he came back again. 

Even when he moved in with Dan, he had this fear in the back of his mind that once he had a new home - a new person that was home - that the place his mum and dad lived wouldn’t feel quite like it always had. 

He was right, in some ways. Now the bed in his room in Rawtenstall only gets slept in over holidays, and usually he’s not alone in it. The pictures change position ever so slightly on the shelves from visit to visit and sometimes he’ll come in to discover an entirely new rug where an old, familiar one used to be. 

But it’s still home. They’re still home, and that’s what days like this feel like. His mum and his dad and his brother, that core unit of family that he built all of his foundations on - a little more expanded now, with Dan and Cornelia, but still the same feeling it always has been. 

*

_this mansion is mega huge we should move here_

_phil we couldn’t even afford this flat without your parents helping_

_well then we just need to win the euromillions tadaaa_

_and its that easy, is it…_

_sure!! u seduce the lottery… head person and i’ll hack the system so we have the winning ticket_

_ok first of all why am i doing the seducing second of all like u could hack anything u got locked out of ur own email last week remember_

_that was a conspiracy!!_

_for what?_

_to stop me winning euromillions and buying u a mansion_

_is it really you buying it for me if i did half the work seducing someone_

_shh daniel its the thought that counts and i thought of the idea_

_oic_

*

Martyn and Cornelia go on a walk through the gardens together, hands dangling loosely between them. 

Part of Phil yearns when he sees that, but mostly he feels relieved because he can sneak away and ring Dan without anyone making fun of him for being too attached. 

"Am I allowed to bring home a pet if it looks like it came from Star Wars?" he asks as soon as Dan answers, without even a hello. 

"No," Dan says. His voice sounds sleepy, like he's been napping. "Because I know you. You'd bring two home and try to breed them." 

Phil gasps. "That's an amazing idea!" 

"No, Phil. No it's not." Dan laughs at him, a low warm sound. "You're an idiot. And what are you doing? Why are you ringing me?" 

"Because I missed you," Phil says. It's much easier to admit that to Dan than it is even to himself in his own head. Dan deserves to know he's missed. 

"Sap." Dan sounds happy. 

It's a beautiful sound after such a long stretch of days where Dan wasn't happy about much at all. 

"Am I an idiot or a sap?" Phil asks. "Make up your mind." 

"You're a sappy idiot," Dan says. "And you're not sending me enough pictures." 

"Oh, I recorded some to put in my next video!" Phil remembers. "You can help me decide if I should put in the reindeer or the chickens." 

“Reindeer, obvs.”

“No, you don’t understand, Dan. These chickens were so weird. They’re like the weirdest chickens I’ve ever seen.” 

“So what, you’ve never looked in a mirror?”

Phil pauses to guffaw. “I hate you,” he reminds Dan, happily. “But they’ve got these weird feathers on their heads. It’s like if you described a chicken to an alien and then had the alien draw the chicken.” 

“You know I’m just going to make you draw me a creative representation of them later, right?” Dan asks, yawning. “Since you are the only actual alien I know.”

Phil’s heart does a yearning thing. “I wish you were here.” 

“Yeah,” Dan says, and Phil knows that what he’s really agreeing is that Phil wishes that, not that Dan feels the same way. 

When Dan’s just not in the mood to be around people, there’s nothing really that can make him change his mind. He doesn’t have that same worry in his head that Phil does, and that’s alright, Phil reckons. They’d be a mess all the time if their heads worked wrong in exactly the same ways. 

And Dan has had a lot going on lately. He’s made a lot of hard decisions about uni and his life and Phil knew it was all building to a boil. 

Now that Dan’s seen it through and out the other side, now that they’re back in the routine of filming Super Amazing Project and their subscriber counts are growing and BBC wants to meet with them, Phil just hopes it only keeps getting better from here. 

* 

"We're going to lose Phil forever now," Martyn says, low dismay in his voice that's only an obviously exaggerated effect to someone that knows him well. 

They're standing just inside the tuck shop. Phil's taking in the entire row of boiled stick sweets, exhibiting the same absolute lack of self control that his mum chided him about his entire childhood. 

He's all grown up now and no parental disapproval can stop him from spending every single bit of his pocket change on things that'll rot his teeth. He gets licorice and some chocolate malted balls he knows Dan will like and some of the stick sweets in a variety of flavors and a bag of special marshmallows. 

As an afterthought he buys Martyn one single boiled sweet in a flavor he hates then smiles very sweetly as he hands it to Martyn in its own special bag and says, "Happy birthday!" 

Martyn eyes it suspiciously before he pops it into his mouth, then immediately spits it out. He takes a breath and Phil waits with nothing short of glee as Martyn whines, " _Muuuuum_." 

He feels like his brotherly duty has been done. 

*

The tuck shop has ice cream but it's a chilly day out and he gets outvoted because Martyn wants hot chocolate. 

He could just get ice cream by himself but he knows once he sees everyone else with their hot chocolate that's what he'll want as well so he proves he does have just a bit of self control and waits. 

He's glad for it, too, because when he steps up to the counter to place his order the guy behind it does a double take. He looks around Phil's age, give or take, and he's got light brown hair pushed back neatly and and the sort of strong jaw that Phil's always envied. 

"Shite," he says, staring at Phil. "You're AmazingPhil." 

"Um." Phil feels that same rush of embarrassment he always feels when he's spotted in front of anyone else but Dan. It's fine when it's just Dan, because Dan's always being spotted as well. "I am, hi!" 

Normally he'd just ask if the person recognizing him is a fan or a subscriber, but... they're usually a bit younger and a bit... female-er. 

This is a fit guy that doesn't at all look like someone who would watch Phil's videos. This looks like someone that Phil would have been afraid to talk to in school for fear that as soon as he opened his mouth, something very super not heterosexual would come out. 

"You're ace, mate. That ghost one you do with Dan, girlfriend and I watch you all the time. She likes to watch videos on youtube before she falls asleep at night.” That’s possibly more than Phil needed to know about his (and Dan’s) place in the bedroom with this guy - whose name tag, Phil finally notices, reads Reed - and his girlfriend. "D'ya want marshallows, then?"

"Yeah, please!" Phil says. He's already imagining telling Dan about this in his head.

"That'll be a pound," Reed says. He leans forward and for a second Phil thinks that Reed's going to ask him for a picture, but instead he just takes the pound Phil slides toward him. 

"Lovely to meet you," Phil says, because he truly is the most awkward. "Thanks for watching! I'll tell Dan you said hi, too." 

He doesn't notice anything else odd until he walks away and sees Cornelia staring at him, one eyebrow raised. 

"What?" he asks. 

"You just paid a pound for that," she says, nodding at Phil's cup. "Same as I paid for this." 

Phil only then realizes that his cup is easily twice as big as hers. His cheeks go red. "He was a fan." 

She laughs, loud enough for the whole rest of the family to notice. For a moment he hopes she might keep what she oversaw to herself, but no such luck. 

*

He's tired and ready to join Dan in bed with pajamas on by the time he makes it off the train nearest to their flat. 

It's only a short walk but he rings Dan anyway. "I’m so unfit," he says. "My legs hurt. Should I pick up dinner?" 

"I've got leftovers," Dan says. "We can just eat that." 

Phil's relieved. "Can you come pick me up and carry me up all the stairs?" 

"Not a chance, Lester." 

"I have presents for you?" Phil pushes open the door to their building.

"I will come to retrieve the presents if I have to," Dan says. "But not you." 

"Mean." Phil sighs and starts up the first flight. "I'm gonna waste away before I get there. I'll eat all your presents and it'll still only give me energy to get halfway up and I'll still die. How will you feel then?" 

"Impressed," Dan says. "That you got me a present that's edible and actually made it this close to home before you ate it." 

Phil loses service then but he doesn't bother trying to ring back because they do this often enough that they both know where the dead cell service spots are. 

The flat looks surprisingly clean when Phil pushes the door open, and he’s met with the smell of stir fry. 

Dan must have been doing something all day after all. Phil would normally fuss and chastise Dan for not resting when he has the chance, but he’s also come to realize that sometimes things actually help Dan feel better that wouldn’t really comfort Phil. With those sorts of things, all Dan really needs is Phil to tell him he’s doing good. 

So that’s exactly what Phil does. He drops his bag and makes a beeline straight for Dan in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Dan from behind and then slumping his full body weight against Dan’s. “The flat looks amazing - and you lied! You’re cooking?” 

Dan grins. His hair is dried but still curling so Phil knows he’s had a shower. “I’m glad you actually asked instead of just coming home with food.” 

Phil leans in for a little kiss that turns into a longer kiss. “You’re the best boyfriend.” 

“Fuck yes I am,” Dan says, a pleased warmth to his cheeks. He turns back to the food. “Now tell me more about these chickens you definitely didn’t bring home.” 

Phil takes a seat at the breakfast bar. “Oh! First, let me tell you about this guy at the shop when we went in to get hot chocolate…”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to sarah for beta reading <3
> 
> [read and reblog here on tumblr](https://alittledizzy.tumblr.com/post/190754751235/hipster-chicken-danphil-rated-pg-21k-phil-goes)


End file.
